Friday, December 7, 2012

Cunnilingus: Lighting It Up Downtown

While many women find that vaginal penetration is a wonderful, - and for some women -, a must-have touchstone in their sex lives, if we were to put it to a vote and women had to choose, I’m willing to bet that many would opt for being on the receiving end of some good oral sex as their hands-down, world-class, all-time-favorite sexual activity. But different strokes for different folks, right?

Still, regardless of sexual orientation, oral sex, or cunnilingus as it’s called when the “lickee” is a woman, continues to be the activity that legions of women swear has them coming the fastest and with greatest, mind-exploding, toe-curling intensity. Most of this is due to the natural, normal structure of our anatomy, the location of the clitoris and its absolute richness of nerve endings (over 8,000 of them) in comparison to a relative sparsity of nerve endings in the vagina.

But bring this up to some folks, for example, some old-school men of African-American and Afro-Caribbean cultures in particular, and you still might hear some outright blatant resistance: “If a man’s doing his job right, a woman shouldn’t want anything else.” Or, “I don’t care what anybody says; I just don’t put my mouth down there.”  In fact, up until fairly recently, there was a pretty weird stereotype making its way around some circles suggesting that only Caucasian women “enjoyed” or “expected” oral sex from their partners… Indeed? On what planet?

Like sexual behavior in general, many of us came of age in a time when oral sex, both giving and receiving, simply was not openly discussed. This is not to say, however, that oral sex was not commonly being practiced in both lesbian as well as straight relationships since antiquity. 

According to many historians and anthropologists, graphic representations of women receiving oral sex appear in artifacts from the Oceanic peoples as early as 300 B.C. Robert Birch, Ph.D. in his book, Oral Caress, reports on graphic depictions of cunnilingus on Chinese and Japanese scrolls dating from 200 B.C. In fact, the Kama Sutra, a widely referenced Indian lovemaking manual written by the poet/philosopher Vatsayana around 400 A.D. makes ample reference to the act of “oral congress” with women – although to a lesser degree than with men. 

With “yoni” being the Sanskrit term for the vagina, ancient erotic art in Hindu temples shows explicit depictions of women receiving “yoni kisses”, their legs open wide to the enraptured faces of their lovers.” (See Violet Blue’s exceptional book, The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus for more of this). 

A word of wisdom for women in the here and now, though: It’s always smart to protect yourself when giving or receiving oral sex regardless of one’s age, and if we do indeed grow wiser as we grow older, there’s simply no excuse for seniors in particular not to be exercising caution. After all, there’s stuff out there that’s quite capable of really complicating your life, such as herpes, HIV, and human papillomavirus, the virus that causes genital warts, cervical cancer, and has recently been linked to throat cancer as a result of unprotected oral sex.

The sexually well-informed know that non-latex dental dams, the small squares of barrier material used by dentists to isolate a tooth work well as protection during oral sex. But the even better informed among us know that since dental dams can be a bit thick and thus might interfere with some sensation, more user-friendly alternatives produced by the sex industry are currently available. Lots of them are thinner and somewhat larger than dental dams and come in flavored or unflavored varieties, textured or not, in a rainbow of colors.

But here’s the coolest thing. In a pinch, you can simply cut open a non-latex condom or glove, apply a little lube to your partner’s vulva and hold your invention in place. As a matter of fact, ditto for a square of saran wrap! Yup, saran wrap or any generic non-porous equivalent. It’s super slippery and allows for the delicious transmission of heat and sensation while being creative, effective and WAY economical! Who could ask for more? 

How would you describe your experiences with oral sex? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Would your partner?


  1. I think oral sex is great whether I am the giver or receiver. I also think oral sex is apart of the whole act of having sex. I enjoy it all together.

  2. I think oral sex is great . I had never experience giving but I have learned to enjoy the receiving

  3. I remember years ago when I started dating this greatly respected highly professional women I met at the Church. We had started to go out regulary and eventually after a evening after dinner we beame intimate. I remember her saying that she thought we should not be having sex before marriage, but my desires were not listening. I was surprised when she approached me with the idea of her wanting to give oral sex. So it just showed me that you can not judge a book by its cover, there is more than what meets the eye.

  4. I feel that oral sex with your spouse or significant is a natural part of making love. I do not see it in a casual sense, but to each their own.sgardner