Vita Nova is Latin for new life. Kudos to my beautiful and brilliant 88 year old mom, a retired teacher of Latin, for that! She is not, however, pictured above.
As all of us embark upon a shiny new year, full of "vita nova," promise
and reflection, and an optimism that often blooms in the shadow of residual
fears, it seems natural to talk of new beginnings. And how timely, then, to
talk about one of the most exciting new beginnings of all – menopause!
While myths and folklore abound, sometimes it’s a little
tricky trying to actually pin down what we mean when we talk about menopause.
Of course, all of us know the basics, right? It’s the time when one’s monthly
period comes to a quiet end, and unless we enter menopause surgically, for
example by having a hysterectomy, it’s a process that tends to take awhile, one
that begins with natural, normal changes in our hormones. It’s a hugely
important issue and one that women frequently say that they’d like to know more
about.
So here’s the real deal. Technically speaking, menopause is
the complete stopping of menstrual bleeding for one entire year. Although 52 is
the average age at which women in the US experience this milestone, it can
happen as early as the late 20s for some rare individuals, and more commonly
between our 30s and our 60s. There’s also some evidence to show that there’s a
hereditary link between the age of menopause within families, ditto - at least
sometimes - for the kinds of other changes that may, but certainly don’t
always, accompany it.
Most experts consider the period called perimenopause to be
the 2 to 5 year interval prior to actual menopause, or the absolute end
of one’s menstrual period. Many of the changes we associate with menopause
begin to occur at this stage and often increase in strength and frequency.
Indulge me a word of extreme caution here. During
perimenopause, when our periods can skip months at a time, and are often
unpredictable in much the same way that they were when we were teens and first
started to have them, it’s absolutely vital that we continue using a reliable
form of birth control. Need proof? Remember back in the day, hearing the old
ladies at church talking about Ms. So-and-So who’d just had a so-called “change
of life baby?” Even now, it happens more frequently than we tend to be aware;
we’re prematurely lulled into thinking we’re no longer fertile, often when
we’re happily looking forward to the quieter, less stressful pace of our approaching
golden years.
So unless we’re okay with having a child later in life,
which of course is perfectly fine if that’s a conscious choice, it’s wise to
continue using some dependable form of birth control until we’re absolutely
sure of where we stand. By the way, if we’re in doubt, a certain blood test can
provide some sense of where we are in the overall process. Once we’re
period-free for 12 consecutive months, we’re officially postmenopausal, or
post-reproductive, and I leave it to you to decide which term you prefer.
Just as with most things in life, there are multiple truths
to the menopause story. We’ve all heard of, and many of us have experience
with, the infamous hot flashes, believed to be caused by extreme fluctuations
in hormonal levels as our bodies work to establish a new equilibrium. There’s
also such a thing as cold flashes that occur for the same reason, as well as
changes in skin elasticity and altered sleep patterns.
Vaginal penetration can also become painful, presenting an
additional challenge due to hormonal changes that cause vaginal dryness and
thinning of the vaginal walls.
Of course, opting for oral sex or the liberal use of
lubricants can usually address this. And certainly, many women try additional
options like anal penetration, since anal walls do not thin out like vaginal
ones do in response to our decreasing levels of estrogen. Of course, whenever
anal play is in the mix, it’s crucial to remember that objects, including mouths, toys, penises and the like - can go from vagina to anus, but not the other way around without a
thorough and vigorous sanitizing of said objects first.
But in contrast to the complexities, other menopause truths
are hugely empowering. For thousands of years, in many cultures across the
globe, postmenopausal women, or wise women, as they were often called, held
powerful sway over their communities, outranking men, and menstruating women as
sages, policy-makers, judges and the like.
But somewhere along the way in the circuitous course of herstory, the cultural narrative about
menopause was negatively reframed by power-hungry patriarchies in ways that
recast postmenopausal women as asexual, powerless, marginalized members of
their societies. Worse, we began to believe it.
Contrary to myths and stereotypes about sexless, dried up,
used-up old hags, untold numbers of women find that menopause itself is a
significant, exhilarating and long-awaited milestone on the road to a
new-found, unexpected freedom. It’s a time when unwanted pregnancy becomes a
ghost of the past. Moreover, we know our bodies well by then; we know what
pleases us as well as what doesn’t. We walk in the world differently then.
There’s a grace and power in the carriage of our bodies, a self-confidence
that’s only earned by paying one’s dues and through the passage of time. So
long as we remember that safe sex practices are still the wisest choice at any
age, it’s a time in our lives that can brim with a new spontaneous creativity
as we begin to explore worlds untold, freedoms we only dreamed of, and
delicious new desires “pregnant” with possibilities!
But enough for now;
more on this amazing metamorphosis in later posts! Happy New Year!
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My thoughts on meopause; I ahve seen the up and the downs of menopause from my grandmother's point of view and my mother's point of view. For me it was crazy because they both had meopause the same time. The rudness that came from them was crazy but the worst was that they never took their medicine. My life's approach to meopause is I have seen my family members get it at early age because of cervial cancel and other reasons so I have already started taking steps tp get myself ready for menopause.
ReplyDeleteI am a 39 year old woman and I am beginning to have questions about when this stage of my life will begin. I have heard many horror stories from many different woman about it and Im not looking forward to it. The woman in my family have always taken medication for it.
ReplyDeleteI am 40 years old but have not experienced any menopause symptoms yet. I have always suffered from PMS, it has always affected me psychologically though. To the point that I wanted to get a divorce every month, no kidding. So I don't know how menopause is going to affect me. Reading Ledelma's post makes me wonder and now feel the need to research menopause it's symptoms and ways to control any issues that come with it.
ReplyDeleteBerthenia Fields
ReplyDeleteI have always experience a issue with my weight. and trying to do the right thing into maintaining a good healthful body weight exercise and eating all the right kinds of food. and not to over eat my issue that I feel contributed to family history, of thyroid and with issues of menopause and as we age, we have to work out even harder and for the rest of my life for staying health and fit exercising It a way for my mental state I really enjoy exercising even if I don't I always say that their will be fat large people in heaven. No matter what size you are you to can be beautiful I do believe everybody was not born to be skinny. love yourself no matter what! My only issue for the over large women. Is to please wear the right size clothes for your body size stop squeezing into smaller clothes maybe society will stop the stereotyping.Can be large but also beautiful.