G-Spot, Anyone?

“You have a G-spot. Every woman does. It is not a Holy Grail, 

  a hidden treasure, or one of the lost tribes of Israel.”  

                                                                      ~ Rachel Venning

                                                                           

If I had a dollar for every time the discussion turns to questions about G-spots and female ejaculation, I might be well on my way to a pleasingly rotund retirement nest egg by now.

Still, it’s always nice to have the opportunity to re-emphasize the importance of getting to know one’s body on one’s own terms. And as everyone knows, that’s what God made hand mirrors for, right? Although the truth is, while every woman should treat herself to an occasional exploratory tour with a hand mirror, searching for one’s G-spot doesn’t require a mirror at all, just one or two dexterous fingers on one hand.

While the clitoris, with its more than eight thousand nerve endings, is a woman’s primary, most exquisite sex organ hands down (and no pun intended here) much has been said, sung and written of late concerning the mysterious G-spot, yours, mine and ours. So what is it? Where does it hang out? What does it do?

Credited with enabling some women to ejaculate, or achieve orgasm by vaginal penetration alone, the G-spot is a cluster of around 32 tiny prostate-like glands located inside a tube of spongy tissue surrounding the urethra. It’s located inside and to the front of the vagina, just above the vaginal ceiling. 

And indeed, you can find your own G-spot by simply inserting your middle finger up into your vagina and then curving your finger back towards your palm as if you were trying to touch the inside of your navel. Don’t reach too far up though, since the G-spot is usually fairly close to the vaginal entry. Once you’re in there and comfortable, feel around and explore. The G-spot feels a bit like a spongy bump, different from the surrounding tissue, and just like every other part of our anatomy, G-spots vary in size from one woman to the next.

The most common form of G-spot stimulation uses a partner’s fingers or a sex toy pressing firmly up into the vaginal ceiling with firm, quick movements. Some men can stimulate a partner’s G-spot with the head of the penis as well, but it often takes a bit of skill, guidance and practice for most men to arrive at an effective technique. And you guessed it: many women, though certainly not all, find stimulation of the G-spot extremely pleasurable.

For those history buffs among us, the term G-spot was first used around 1981, in honor of the male German gynecologist, Ernst Gräfenberg, who first theorized its existence around 1944. However, in 2001, the Federative International Committee on Anatomical Terminology decided on the designation female prostate or prostata feminina, for use in its new publications.

And about that ejaculate, or in other words, the liquid that’s ejected during what some folks call “squirting.” Here’s the thing. Stimulation of the G-spot can, and often does, produce varying amounts of a liquid female ejaculate that can feel like urine when it’s being released. Understandably, women are frequently confused about this and mistakenly believe they’ve peed the bed, or worse for some, on their partners. Oh, the embarrassment, the shame-faced humiliation, right?

But take heart and relax! It’s definitely not pee. Research has proven that its chemical make-up is completely distinct from that of urine. Whereas most recent studies have found a substance called PSA or prostate specific antigen in female ejaculate, PSA is not found in either male or female urine. Rather, scientists believe the liquid that makes up female ejaculate may be produced by the Skene’s Glands, although the exact origin of the often copious amounts of fluid is not yet known.

Not all women reach orgasm from G-spot, or prostata feminina stimulation, however, and not all women enjoy it. Equally important, not all women ejaculate from it, and unfortunately, with the recent - and misguided - public furor suggesting that the production of G-spot ejaculate is some sort of hallmark of 21^st century female sexual fulfillment, many women have placed unnecessary importance on this aspect of sexual experience. So much so that some women are seeking to have their G-spots surgically enlarged in the old, erroneous belief that bigger is always better. 

Still, regardless of its size, all evidence points to the fact that your G-spot is definitely up there, tucked away from prying eyes, in all its spongy glory. Do with it what you will. Or not… it’s totally up to you!

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Sexuality and Aging: Changes

Regardless of sexual orientation, and regardless of whether we're in partnered relationships or single, in this day and age, every woman should be taking responsibility for her own sexual health and pleasure. As 80-something year old sex-researcher, educator and artist Dr. Betty Dodson argues, "remaining connected to our active sexuality 'until death do us part' ought to be a part of every woman’s life plan, regardless of age." It's a quality of life question, a matter of one's wholeness and birthright, no less. But in a culture steeped in the sexual repression of women, wherein it's possible to make reference to "binders full of women" in public discourse, the numbers of women themselves who still doubt this are many. So I ask you to consider the following: 

According to the Harvard Health Report, Sexuality in Midlife and Beyond, half of all men aged 50 and older report erection problems. This figure rises to 60% at age 60 and 70% at age 70. And even when men’s plumbing is in good working order, women in the US tend to outlive their men by an average of 6 years, one of the major reasons that more women than men wind up living out their senior years alone. 

For our part, women also experience bodily changes that accompany the aging process. To be sure, some of these changes - like no longer needing to worry about getting pregnant - are liberating, exhilarating, in the extreme. Others can be a bit challenging to manage, like the fabled vaginal dryness issues that postmenopausal women often face.

And the sobering truth for older men and women combined is that more than 80% of them living alone, or in assisted living facilities, suffer from what's been called skin hunger, or touch deprivation, and never experience intimate human touch outside the context of medical or custodial care. Can you imagine?

So the question becomes: Beyond Viagra and Cialis for flagging erections and a nice, warm slathering of sweet almond or coconut oil as a natural fix-it for vaginal dryness, how do we accommodate the inevitable changes that take place in our lives, and our aging bodies, in ways that are respectful of ourselves and our partners – if we have them? Further, how do we remain open-minded about our options in the face of our changing physical landscapes?

If we’re honest with ourselves, we realize that finding the answer to these and other equally important questions may require some rethinking of old patterns and paradigms.

One critical step in that direction is to come to terms with the reality that between consenting adults, the sexual rules, norms, and limitations we grew up with were put in place by systems of oppression that were dedicated to the widespread goal of controlling adult human bodies as a way of maintaining social, spiritual and economic power over the them - nothing more.

Does anyone ever wonder about the old TV series, The Golden Girls, about four single retired senior women sharing a house in South Florida? A cutting edge situation comedy of its time, you might remember that the show starred Beatrice Arthur, Rue McClanahan and the amazing Betty White in sophisticated story lines that touched on timely social issues in a way that highlighted the agency of these golden-aged women housemates who were vocally, actively STRAIGHT in their sexual orientation. Was theirs really just an extended, best-friends type of platonic living relationship? Or was it really something else, something a bit more creative and really cutting edge?

As it turns out, lots of real-life older single STRAIGHT women have been, and are, taking strategic control of their later years by entering into living arrangements with other older women - living arrangements that mimic that of television's The Golden Girls, but with the added benefit of caring consensual sexual activity between the women involved. 

Often enough, these women are not gay or bi, but rather self-identify as having been married to or partnered with men all of their lives. So why partner now with other women for living and sex? The answer is elegantly simple, I think. In addition to sharing the day-to-day exigencies of living, it's one way of ensuring that there's companionship for the long haul, and that when the body hungers for another's intimate touch, that fundamentally human, life-affirming need is shared. Reciprocated in kind. Beautifully, caringly, safely fulfilled. Skin hunger be damned, they say. End of story.

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Desire and Consent

If you’re like me, every once in a while a desire comes over the heart that, while harmless and intriguing, doesn’t quite fit in with the dictates of society’s norms and standards. Maybe it’s something as little as wanting to wear white after Labor Day, which was a huge and largely inexcusable fashion blunder during my girlhood days in New York.

But then again, maybe it’s something more intimate and personal that pushes against the boundaries a little more strenuously, for example, the way cross-racial marriages used to do. I mean, back in the 70s in my neck of the Bronx, it was sort of okay to have sex across racial lines, but to marry the so-called “one of them?” I think not! Similarly today, if the activities women desire to engage in happen to reside within the realm of nonconformist sexual expression, the fall-out can be fierce and overwhelming as religious and secular forces alike try their absolute best to reign us back obediently into line.

But the truth is, most of us know intuitively that sexual energies often find their outlet in ways that the society as a whole may find disconcerting. And rather than risk the condemnation of those around us, when playful or edgy or questionable desires steal into our thoughts, we clam up, freeze up, or run the other way, and leave the creative, playful boundary-pushing to others, while we try our hardest to ignore that soft, seductive inner voice that whispers, “I’d like to try that. Wouldn’t you?" With the recent publication of E.L. James’s Fifty Shades trilogy, legions of women got a cursory look at the complex world of BDSM, or bondage and submission. Of course, bondage and submission as a mode of sexual expression is nothing new. A globally occurring aspect of human sexual behavior, there are BDSM groups and clubs, and monogamous partners, in every city and countless small towns all over the US.

Cunnilingus: Lighting It Up Downtown

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Rape: Surviving It and the Myth of Body Betrayal

We’ve got to talk a bit about rape. Not a comfortable or easy subject to wrap one’s brain around; much less so to be a survivor.

But more than the usual discourse about the nature of rape, - “it’s a crime of violence in the assertion of power,” “it’s not about sexual desire at all,” - we need to also talk more about what happens in the extended aftermath, two years or ten years or how ever many years later. We need to talk about how we relate to our own female bodies, long after the fact.

We should start, I guess, with an obvious premise, that one is never the same after a rape, and that, while most of us heal and go on with our days, no one ever forgets. I’m proud beyond measure of women doing the endless, soul-affirming work that’s often required in order to rebuild their lives. I’m especially proud of those who seek whatever help they might need in re-establishing their trust in a benevolent Universe that nurtures and watches over us all.

More frequently than I can say, it’s my sober privilege to stand before a room full of women, (and sometimes a couple of men), and listen as women tell how they managed to survive being raped. Believe me when I say that the courage with which they speak, and the multidimensional grotesquery they describe, makes me want to wrap my arms around them, every single time. 

But I’ll tell you right now what really breaks my heart. It’s when I hear these courageous women - whether they fought their attackers or couldn’t  -  express guilt, shame and confusion about how their bodies betrayed them.

What???

The first time I heard this I was stunned, I’ll admit it.

“How did your body betray you?” I asked the speaker.

Her response was brief but excruciating to hear.

“I got wet,” she replied, lowering her embarrassed gaze. “As awful as it was, through the terror and the anger. And as much as his penis inside me made me want to vomit, I got wet.”

So let’s get one thing straight, okay? And let's do so before I lose it, and begin ranting about a system that allows women to reach the age of maturity without access to vital information about our bodies, information that might impart just a tiny smidgen of peace as we try to cobble our lives together after being raped. 

Vaginal tissues lubricating during a rape is a normal, involuntary adaptive response. In other words, “getting wet” is an automatic reaction. And the truth is  that we can’t control it, regardless of how painful or vicious or terrifying the experience. In no way does it mean we’re enjoying the rape. In no way does it mean that we secretly wanted it. But vaginal lubrication that happens during the violence does so for a very good reason, nonetheless.

Far from the delusional babblings of knuckle-dragging old men who think that there’s a distinction to be made between “forcible” rape and any other kind of unwanted vaginal penetration, all rape, by definition, involves force. Fortunately, then, evolutionary adaptations have provided “getting wet” as the body’s natural protective response, since lubricated vaginal tissues are less prone to being severely injured than dry ones are, particularly by the extreme force and violence that are characteristic of rape.

This is certainly not to say that the female body has any way at all of “shutting that whole thing down” as the knuckle-draggers have recently, and falsely, attested about the possibility of getting pregnant due to rape. But it is to say that lubricating during rape is the body’s valiant attempt to protect us, not betray us, and for that we ought to honor it, really.

A normal, natural attempt by the body at self-protection. Exquisitely automatic. Completely beyond our control…

So for those of us who’ve been there, let the shame go, let the confusion go, let the guilt - all of it - go. 

And thank you for surviving. I wish you peace.

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Older Women: Vintage Perfection

Anyone who’s heard a lecture or two of mine knows how I feel about the way male-centered cultures often ignore important distinctions between the real-life experiences of men and women. And if you’ve got any doubts about this, surely, the recent mind-blowing conservative male blather over controlling women’s bodies is proof enough of what I’m saying.

But this isn’t new. As we all know, double standards have had a serious impact on the experiences of women over time. A few centuries after Pythagoras, a Greek woman named Aglaonike mastered the art of predicting the timing of an eclipse. As one might imagine, a woman with such an ability was both celebrated and feared. Women such as Aglaonike, with specialized and esoteric scientific knowledge, were thought by their male contemporaries to be able to “draw down the moon.”

These amazing women were, of course, referred to as “sorceresses” during their lifetimes, and they remained so in subsequent Grecian writings. In fact, women who could forecast lunar eclipses during the 3 centuries before the birth of Christ became known as the famous (or infamous) “Witches of Thessaly.” Odd how such knowledge in the hands of a woman gets referred to as witchcraft rather than science!

On a more positive note, many ancient societies attributed lots of agency and power to women, especially OLD women, wise women, who were thought to have special knowledge of the natural world. In fact, some of those ancient cultures valued the sexual knowledge of old women more than that of other members of society, so much so that often, younger men were encouraged to offer themselves sexually to these older, wiser women, in hopes that they’d be accepted as students - eager learners about the wonder of women’s bodies. They also hoped that the old women would teach the young tutees a thing or two (or three) about making love.

Some agrarian African societies practice this today; contrary to jungle-movie stereotypes, the women in these groups generally dress demurely. However, the older a woman becomes, the more of her naked skin she is allowed to expose in her daily dress. First the ankles are bared, then the knees and finally the thighs. In this way, young men can tell which women are the oldest, and therefore, considered the best, most skilled, most resourceful sexual teachers. In pursuing an “arrangement” with such an old woman, a young man asks with respect, and it’s up to the woman herself whether or not she’ll accommodate his desire to learn.

I can’t forget to mention here that certain European groups practiced similar traditions, wherein careful fathers would turn over their teen-aged sons to trusted, experienced older women for their first sexual encounters. 

So for older women who, through no fault of our own, begin to feel less than, in comparison to our younger counterparts, it helps to focus in on exactly what makes us better, wiser, more knowledgeable lovers/sex partners/intimate companions than we were in our salad days. It's quite an impressive list, when you think about it.

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Same Sex Relationships: Getting It Right

Let's start with a basic premise, shall we? The same bigoted views that were used to criminalize marriage between whites and people of color are the very ones being leveraged in the demonization of gay marriage. And just as biblical texts were used to justify slavery, they continue to be used against the LGBTQ community, sadly, often by groups who experience the gut-churning gnaw of oppression, so old and embedded that we feel it in our bones... and thus, should know better. From talking with so very many of you, I'm sure I'm not the only one who detects a caustic and pernicious irony lurking here.

That being said, every once in a while, as an aggregate people, we tend to get it right. Every once in a while, folks with righteous voices who believe in the sanctity of fundamental human rights step up to the plate and deliver. In such cases, and at such times, it feels pretty damn good to know that wiser, fairer, more rational perspectives sometimes wrest control from the rabid, roiling hatred of conservative activists, and ultimately prevail. 

Pheromones: Scented

Romantic attention, especially the casual, subtle, seductive kind that hints of physical attraction, can do lots to enhance a woman’s well-being at any age. So with that in mind, women often wonder what in the world makes so many of us begin to feel a kind of sexual invisibility set in by the time we reach the age of  50 or so. And while lots of us escape this odd experience entirely, it does seem to me that this feeling of becoming invisible is fairly common among older women. As we go about the natural, beautiful and empowering process of growing into our mature selves, often men seem to look right past us, or worse, right through us, as if our material sexual selves simply no longer exist.

Needless to say, even the most positive self image isn’t always enough to counteract the potentially daunting notions of inadequacy that can accompany this feeling. And so for those of us who wonder why this whole, weird, later-in-life sexual invisibility thing takes place, I mention the fascinating work of some really smart women like Dr.Winnifred Cutler of the Athena Institute for Women’s Wellness. “Sometime after 40, women do report becoming ‘invisible’ to men,” she says. “Although the exact age seems to vary, pheromone changes around menopause seem to increase that sense of invisibility.”

All very compelling, right? But what the heck is a pheromone? I’m glad you asked. An integral part of evolution and species' survival, pheromones are chemical substances excreted by animals and detected by special receptors in the noses of animals of the same species. Whether we’re talking about bugs or birds or people, pheromones are responsible for enhancing physical attraction for the purpose of mating, of course. And wouldn’t you know it? As our pheromone levels naturally decrease with age, some of our ability to activate “desire” in males tends to decrease as well.

So there you have it. Postmenopausal sexual invisibility explained! Interestingly enough, however, researchers have been working for over a decade on all sorts of pheromone replacements for women, some that you can actually dab on like perfume, thereby giving women the option of increasing the levels of attention and affection that they receive from the men around them. Ah, the wonders of science...! 

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Nocturnal Orgasms in Women: Dream Lovers

Whether we’re lesbian or straight, bi or transgender, once in a great moon, and if we're very lucky, we come across a person who physically, at least, is the potential stuff of our dreams. It could be at the mall, or on line at the movie theatre. It might even happen at a pre-dawn political rally somewhere as we’re trying to re-elect President Barack Obama for a well deserved second term in the Oval Office. The point is that it happens; the stuff of dreams appears like some ethereal paragon in the mist, usually when we least expect it. Sometimes, though, our “dream stuff” is a person we already know; someone else’s significant other, maybe, and a potential emotional or relationship catastrophe were we to act on it.

Still, regardless of whether or not we’re in a position to pursue said eye candy, it’s completely within the purview of every woman’s reality to explore the “what if” in our fantasies and in our dreams. And often, the very act of dream exploration itself is exceedingly delicious, brimming with heat and spice and wild, unfettered abandon.

According to a recent study conducted by the University of Montreal that included participants up to the age of 89, women are just as likely to dream about sex as men. In fact, sexual fantasies, including sexual dreaming, are a regular, positive and completely healthful reality of millions of women’s lives. Moreover, the older we get, the more active and enjoyable our sexual dreaming can be with around 37% of women in the US having dreams leading up to nocturnal orgasms by the age of 45.

Dubbed “dreamgasms” by well-known sex researcher and performance artist Dr. Annie Sprinkle in her essay, Annie Sprinkle’s Models of Orgasm, this unique and awesome kind of female orgasm occurs totally without genital stimulation. “Often we dream that we’re having an orgasm, and simultaneously have one physically,” says Sprinkle. Many times the sensation wakes us up!

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Female Masturbation: Loving Self

I’m always troubled, and more than a little sad, when women I speak with in 2012 continue to express feelings of shame and guilt about taking their own pleasure in hand. Let’s face it: puritanical and repressive views of female masturbation continue to rob many women of the ability to see sex for one as the viable, self-affirming and celebratory act of pleasure-filled empowerment that it was always meant to be.

Depending upon where we live, our cultures of origin, and even our ages, there are lots of terms out there that describe the same thing. Some of the ones you may have heard include sex for one, flying solo, self-cultivation and of course, plain, old, lovely and exquisite masturbation.

Whatever it’s called, you might find it interesting to know that aside from providing tangible health benefits such as headache relief, increased vaginal health and better muscle tone “downtown,” there have been several recent studies showing that women who engage in sex for one actually have higher self-esteem in general than women who don’t.

Back in the late 1940s and early 1950s, at a time when many of us were in our early or middle childhoods, Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues published the historic and groundbreaking Kinsey Report, a wide-ranging and highly respected study of sexual behaviors the US.

Some of the aspects they focused on were the masturbation techniques of women at that time, reporting that 84% of women who masturbated stroked or stimulated the inner lips and or clitoris, and 10% crossed their legs and exerted a steady rhythmic pressure on the whole genital area. Breast stimulation was involved for 11% of women, although none reported that solely, 20% inserted dildoes or various “household items”, and 11% reported using other techniques, including 2% who could orgasm from fantasy alone, while others used vibrators, pillows and other objects upon which to apply pressure. On average, it took women about 4 minutes to orgasm using whichever masturbation technique they preferred.


                                                              

                        

Fast forward to the present, and as author Martha Cornog reports in her 2003 book The Big Book of Masturbation, not much has changed in terms of technique over the past fifty years. Women still use their hands most often to stimulate themselves. However, techniques have begun to diversify a bit due to recent changes in the culture as a whole. One such change is the internet, which allows greater access to the accounts of the experiences of others, often across cultures. For example, in some rural areas of China as well as Oceania, where venerated old ways and cultural wisdoms have withstood the onslaught of Western influence, many women continue to masturbate with their feet by sitting on the floor, bending the right leg and pulling the heel of the right foot against the vulva.

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Tantric Sex: Eastern Possibilities

I sometimes hear postmenopausal women speak about their worries that they may have lost touch with their innate sexual passion in some scary, unexplainable but fundamental way. Sometimes there's the feeling that both their energy and interest have permanently abated, and for many of us, this can be a cause of deep and serious concern. In the course of our conversations, however, lots of women are happy to discover that learning about the practice of Tantric sex, and familiarizing ourselves with some of its techniques, can help us reclaim the sexual intimacy that's, quite literally, our birthright.

Practiced in Eastern cultures since ancient times, the word "Tantra" means to "manifest, expand, show and to weave." From this perspective, it's a set of practices thought to expand consciousness and sexual response by weaving together the polarities of male and female. Worldwide, devotees of Tantric sex number in the millions. A common thread for the vast majority of them is the belief that sex can be a doorway to the divine, and that Tantra offers the benefit of a sexual wisdom that's a resilient, vital and valuable resource, particularly as we age.

The more you learn about the practice, it becomes quite clear that Tantra, in its multiple manifestations, can also be quite health enhancing. Even more interesting, leading practitioners of Tantric sex attest that women whose male partners experience premature ejaculation often find that lovemaking becomes way more satisfying using Tantric techniques.

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Sex After Hysterectomy: Then and Now

Many women I talk with want to know if sex is ever experienced the same way again after a hysterectomy. It’s a great question, and when you ask around, lots of women who've had the surgery are happy to share that their enjoyment of sex has stayed constant and unchanged. For these very fortunate women the “feel” of their orgasms was quite indistinguishable prior to and after their surgeries. But overall, and while individual experiences certainly vary, for so many women who have undergone the removal of the uterus (sometimes including the removal of the ovaries as well), the issue continues to be an important one long after the event.

There seem to be some common experiential threads, though. For example, total hysterectomy, a procedure that includes removal of the ovaries as well as the uterus, causes severe drops in hormone levels, which may cause women to experience sex-related issues that require intervention after the surgery. Also, since uterine contractions are a hugely pleasurable part of orgasm for many women, losing one’s uterus to hysterectomy may change the character and/or the perceived intensity of the orgasm. In addition, the removal of the cervix may change the sensation experienced by both partners, especially during deep penetration. 

Some women also say that, while still very pleasurable, their post-hysterectomy orgasms feel somewhat “shallower” and less complex than they did prior to the surgery. However, there are some witty little strategies that can be helpful here. For example, some women have discovered that coming to orgasm with a partially full bladder really helps to intensify the sensation in ways that are similar to what they remember prior to the surgery. Who would’ve thought it? But whatever works, right?

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Sexual Ageism: It Always Amazes

The older I get, and the more I read, go to the movies, and write, I'm increasingly amazed at how difficult it is to find compelling, empowering plot lines in novels and film that shine a positive, celebratory focus on the sexuality of women over the age of fifty-five. In fact, older women are effectively rendered invisible except as matronly asexual grandma types - as if we got to be grandmothers by way of some long-ago forgotten or abandoned magic. I’m not sure why that is, except perhaps, because of  US culture’s continued, tedious and myopic obsession with either caricaturing or erasing the sexual identities of over 70 million of its female residents. This seems to be a glaring omission, since that’s the estimated number of midlife and older women currently alive in the US.

In my capacity as a teacher and speaker, I consider myself deeply fortunate to work with lots of smart, candid and creative women who fit into this age group. Especially in my Human Sexuality classes, their intimate and exuberant talk is usually grounded in their enormous enthusiasm about sharing the feelings of empowerment, autonomy and resilience that characterize the sexuality of women in later life.  

They’re also almost always thrilled to learn about the ways in which remaining sexually active can improve the quality of our lives throughout our 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond! Whether we are straight, lesbian, bi, or trans, remaining active sexually can reduce many of the annoying physical changes we experience as we age. For example, having an orgasm can help with pain relief from conditions like arthritis since orgasms release powerful endorphins in the brain. They can also help protect our hearts and assist in lowering blood pressure in women. As if that’s not enough, having an orgasm can increase joint flexibility as well as assist in headache relief for many women, regardless of age.

And while it’s true that straight women can expect to outlive their partners by an average of six to eight years in the US, orgasms can be equally delicious and useful whether you’re engaged in partnered sex… or yummy sex for one!

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vasculata/1434800/">Steve Schwartz</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

Sex Drive After Menopause: Down and Up Again

Women over the age of 60 or so often want to talk about the interesting trajectory of women's sexual desire as we approach perimenopause, the approximately 18 month period directly before and immediately after one's "period" actually disappears for good. They also have concerns about sex beyond that time frame as we move through the process into the latest stages of life. Their commentary and questions sometimes revolve around society's stereotypical assumption that the older women get, the less sexual desire we can expect to experience and enjoy.

However, the reality for lots of older women isn't nearly as intuitive as all that. For example, many women have found that after an initial - sometimes dramatic - decrease in sex drive during their 50s and 60s, their levels of desire actually surged to new, exhilarating heights when they reached their 70s and even their 80s.

While any number of reasons can be theorized for why this unexpected rise takes place, and why for some women, it might take decades to occur, many women find that it helps to track the changes in their levels of desire over time. Keeping a journal or diary of changes can be helpful, they argue, since journaling can help identify whether or not subtle shifts and changes may be linked to other factors. 

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/junibears/8104676310/">junibears</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>